Just Be A Child

"Just be a child. A child never questions plans. It accepts gladly....Do not plan ahead, the way will unfold step by step. Leave tomorrow's burden. Christ is the great Burden-bearer You cannot bear his load and he only expects you to carry a little day-share...Hope on. Hope gladly. Hope with certainty. Be calm in my power...Life with me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties...Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of my will, when it seems not joyous."

- God Calling; A Devotional Diary (AJ Russell)

 I needed these words this morning. I've been plagued by a stressful week. Busy at work. Bust at home. Restless nights. Unable to ground myself in calm. Trying to take deep breathes between my next of many tasks.

And then I realized...I was actually more peaceful when faced with cancer than I am now while recovering. How can that be?

In the face of true fear, I trusted in Him. There was no question that He would lead me and that I had surrendered everything to His will. It's these little things, the day-by-day, that cause me to fall off course.

Now that I am rested and in the midst of recovery, I find myself starting to take less time for myself again. I worry about my next doctor's appointment taking too much time from my schedule. I worry about my next surgery; the crippling effect it has on everything I do. I worry about my kids; their schoolwork, their activities, and how I am going to get them from one place to another on time. Bills, work, spending time with my family. Oh! And a walk...I should fit that in too. I need to take time to exercise. Where am I in all of this?

I am here. Up early and reading the word of God. Spending some quality time reflecting...and writing. It's been two weeks since I last wrote anything other than a proposal. I can't believe it.

The thing is; nothing is bad. Life is great. I have everything to be thankful for and can bear testimony to God's healing power. But I am still human...and it's been a long week. And we all need to be constantly reminded that the only way to find calm; is when we let go.

My next surgery is scheduled for March. Next week I meet with my oncologist and my radiology oncologist. More follow-up. I don't anticipate any surprises but you never know. This cancer thing will never really be over. But it's part of me and in a way it keeps me grounded. There's a silver lining in everything.

I feel better now and I am ready for today.