WTF??

WHY THE FAITH?

For those of my dear friends who are not Christian (or even spiritual), please do not give up on reading this. I promise there's a point to this post that is directly related to what I am dealing with...

I was raised in the Presbyterian and Baptist churches. I attended Catholic high school and in college, I sometimes even went to Mass. In my twenties, I frequented a Buddhist temple, a Methodist church and an Evangelical church. I've been married twice (that sounds bad! :-) by the same wonderful Baptist minister that I grew up with. Since I moved to Ashburn, I've attended 4 different churches. You could say that I've been a Christian mutt. A lost puppy trying to find a home. Never once during those years did I really study the differences between those churches. For me, it was about the pastor and how well he delivered the message. I didn't really care about their core church beliefs as long as they taught Christianity (with the exception of the Buddhist thing. I did learn it is "not a religion but rather a way of life.")   To me, it went like this:

Good Pastor + Likable Church = I'm a Christian

In January 2011, John and I attended a non-denominational, Christian, Bible-based church. Quite honestly, John had won a business contract with the school there and we thought it would be a good idea to go. That's what good account managers do, right? He hated that job. But that job led to going to a service there and that one service changed my life. It got me thirsty. We kept attending and things started making sense. And more importantly, that church really taught me an invaluable lesson. I learned that

Being a Christian has nothing to do with church.It's about your personal relationship with God. Church is a place to have fellowship and to help you learn. 

Now maybe I'm just slow on the uptake and everyone already knows this...but to me, this was a big revelation. I was relying on the right church (among other things) to get me to a happy place (aka "get saved".) The church doesn't save you. God does. And God's design was not for us to be confused about his plan for us. He actually made it pretty simple:

Non-denominational, Christian, Bible-based churches teach the literal meaning of God's Word. Nothing else. Nothing is added. Nothing is taken away. What that means is that if you accept Christ as your Savior, confess your wrong-doings and strive to live the way Jesus did (and the ways outlined in the Bible) then you will be saved. You are always protected and always loved. 

I looked forward to hearing the Word now. But not just on Sunday's. I listen to Christian rock (along with other music) and I download sermons and listen to them in my car. I read the Bible on my iPad and bookmark things that resonate. I like that it has keyword search capability...if I feel anxious, I type that in and find the related help I need. For the first time, I'm really learning about how I need to shape my life and my priorities from a Christian perspective and I have a tool to help me do that. Once you get really get that; everything changes.

Sparing the details, I often joke that John and I feel like Job. The last four years have been rough at times. But the more that's put on me and our family, the better I seem to handle it. Because I'm now armed with a deep-rooted Faith that is with me at all times. No, "Oh my, I left my Faith at home today" or "I forgot to take my Faith-pill today" or "I need a Faith-drink to settle my nerves." It's just there.  Is it tested? Sure. But that's why we have the Word to fall back on.

³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

So why am I telling you this?
I believe that if I wasn't armed with my faith in God, then I would be a total mess right now. I believe that God has given me two years to prepare for this. 
And for that, I am so thankful! 

So what happened yesterday?
I wanted answers...I got options.

I don't even have a clear diagnosis. No one has said the words, "You have Cancer." All they keep telling me is that my pathology is atypical and it's everywhere and it has to come out!

So really...WTF?

I'm not announcing a definitive plan quite yet as I have a second opinion with another doctor on Monday (already had planned that.) There's no clear path or definitive type of cancer diagnosis without taking it all out. If it was just one lump, that would be uncomplicated. But my "atypical disease" is multi-focal, which basically means everywhere. At least 30% of my breast tissue is affected and we found another new lump upon exam yesterday. So there's a lot going on - and it's moving fast. But we don't know exactly what it is. We just know it's not normal and it's all gotta go.

Again, I wanted answers but instead I got options. I'm not ready to disclose what those options are yet because my family is processing information and we want to check in with doctor #2 before we jump to any conclusions. 

I will say this though...they are all surgical options. Deep down, I know exactly what I will probably need to do. But how do you make decisions with so many unknowns?? You make them by Faith. 

By the way, I designed this cross yesterday and it may have to be my 3rd tattoo. Sorry Mom!