God is my Savior, my Great Healer and my Gracious Father and He brings me great strength.
John is my best friend. He knows me better than anyone and gives me a confidence in marriage, friendship, love, longevity and faithfulness that I had never known before.
My parents are my greatest source of love and stability. They are always there for me: without fail and without judgement.
My kids bring me joy and a sense of accomplishment. I've never been more proud of anything and I've never felt such an unconditional and excited love as the love I have for them. They have blessed my life 10x over.
My best girlfriends are my rocks. They know everything about me; good, bad and ugly, and love me anyway. They complete my life and give me an outlet both to vent and to be silly and have fun.
I think I can claim to have the greatest friends that any grown woman could ask for.
I AM BLESSED.
BUT I'M STILL HUMAN.
Yesterday was a bad day. I cried. And, I don't like crying. But I needed to cry. I called my parents and cried. I cuddled with my husband and cried. (I have yet to let my kids see me cry.)
This morning was still a little rough. I needed something different. I called "The Pink Line."
The Pink Line is comprised of my new friends. The ones I had lunch with last week, a remote co-worker, my distant cousin. They are the SURVIVORS.
I called one at 8:45am. She asked how I was...I responded, "It's 8:45am, I've met you once in my life, I'm driving to a meeting and I'm calling you. How do you think I am?" She laughed and said, "The Pink Line is open. Talk to me." We talked for my entire commute - almost an hour. She put everything aside to talk and share and give me the encouragement and positivity I needed. She made me feel normal. And she got me in a good mental place to kick butt in my meeting.
The second called me around 1pm. I was drained from my meeting but so happy to hear her voice. She has a good giggle, a warm heart and she's someone that understands how hard it is when people make a sad face when they say, "How are you?" She "gets" what I'm feeling because she's felt it too.
And then I had a voice message from a distant co-worker who is in her own BC battle. She also loves The Lord and wanted to remind me to lay my battles down at the cross. Amazing!
I am so blessed and lucky to now have these angelic women in my life and I just wanted to thank them (you know who you are) because today was a better day because of you.
AND THE OTHERS...
I also learned today that someone out there believes my public honesty about my diagnosis and my Faith is "needy, selfish and attention-seeking behavior." To you, I am sorry. I am sorry that you don't understand that this is MY process. I share everything and through it I HOPE to inspire. Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I don't have secrets and I don't hide my feelings. I have cancer. It's my reality. Writing is therapeutic - it's good for me - but it's also the ONLY way I can update the hundreds of people that have reached out to me on what's going on. I can't respond to everyone. I'm still a mom, a wife, and a professional woman. I have to share in masses. So, yes it fulfills the selfish need to communicate efficiently. But attention seeking? Are you kidding? Cancer is the LAST thing I want attention for. And if you have really read this blog, you'd realize that most of my focus is not on myself but on God and how He provides for me and inspires my strength. So for you, the one that thinks it's wrong; don't read it. Please focus elsewhere. In the meantime, I prayed for you today and will continue to do so. Because people that lash out like that are usually hurting. And because of my true trust in The Lord, I can recognize that and pray that you find the same peace.
